What I learned from being a student attorney

Well, my summer job ends this week and it finds me having had the "pleasure" of taking 6 different cases for 5 different clients.

All in all I found my experience to be invaluable, but hopefully, a far cry from what I will be doing for the rest of my life.

I never want to deal with indigent suspects again. They steal, they murder, they rape. They’re opportunistic, dishonest, and belligerent. And although there is the occasional “really nice guy,” it doesn’t make up for the 99 jerks out there.

Now don’t get me wrong. Indigent people are usually not so hard to deal with. It’s indigent-people-who-get-in-trouble-with-the-law that are a pain in the ass. And now that I think about it, wealthy-people-who-get-in-trouble-with-the-law are probably equal pains in the ass as well.

But on the other hand, the excitement and the strategy of arguing a case is quite the rush. Sure I’ve always been nervous as hell before every case and then full of self-reproachment of my poor delivery and slow-wit after each trial, but nothing beats the “high” of arguing your case. Well, nothing, that is, except the “high” of winning your case. That is a powerful pharmacon indeed. Winning.

In fact, I could fancy myself being a criminal trial lawyer one day if it weren’t for the fact that (1) I hate my clients; and (2) the caring dilemma.

The “caring dilemma” is a horrible catch-22 which operates like this: If you don’t care about your client, you find your task meaningless and unfulfilling. But if you DO care about your client, your stress-level goes up commensurately.

I had one client that I truly cared about, like he was my own son. Before the trial I poured in hours of preparation, staying up way past my usual bedtime. And after the trial I must’ve berated myself for every little mistake I made and every little advantage I ommitted for atleast 8 hours. And then I couldn’t breathe for the next 2 days until I got the hearing results, which, thank goodness, was “not guilty.” Because who knows, I may have just thrown myself out of a 5th story window if it were otherwise.

Other things I’ve learned:

1. I swear I didn’t do it! You never actually “believe your client.” Instead, you believe strongly that the evidence is consistent with your client’s version of events.

2. Prove it! The burden of proof is a powerful weight which any good defense attorney knows how to leverage to its fullest potential.

3. How to win any argument: Arguing by analogy is one of the most persuasive polemics a person can wager. I flat out won 2 cases just by using an appropriate analogy. “But your honor, convicting my client on this scanty evidence would be like…” And yet how easy and tenuous the logic can be behind a good analogy.